He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
