never play flip cup with pint glasses
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize