Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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