I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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