cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
