i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
