my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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