Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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