i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
