I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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