Don't make out with my wife yet
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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