I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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