I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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