there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You pole danced in your parka.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
