IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
