Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
