At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
