I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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