I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
