guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
