Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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