best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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