She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
