Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
