It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
