Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
