im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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