Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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