Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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