Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
