whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
