he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
