Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
