i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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