and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
