A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
