I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize