im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
