Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
