I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
