just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
