My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize