My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
