Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
