Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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