Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
