I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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