Your face is a jimmy john
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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