We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
