I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
