I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
