If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
