therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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