ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
