ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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