I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
