You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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