i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
