now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize