Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
