fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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