After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
