i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
