Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
