Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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