can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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