Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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