Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
